found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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