i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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