Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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