My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
