We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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