we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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