You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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