You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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