Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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