When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
