my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
