8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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