Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
