Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
