if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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