Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
