I need to stop coming to work sober
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
