I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
