I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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