My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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