am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
