put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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