totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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