If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
