i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
