i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
