Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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