and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she told me i tasted like america
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
