Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
