i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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