ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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