its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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