ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize