what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
