The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
