so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
