Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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