fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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