giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
