hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
