so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
