If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
