hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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