if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
