At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
