I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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