I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were trust falling into bushes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
