I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
