haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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