Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
