I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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