we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
