Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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