Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
