its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
