My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
