she was so not down for the gang bang
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
