we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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