problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
