He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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