I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
