what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
