Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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