just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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