so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
