Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
