Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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