what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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