i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
