I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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