You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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